Penny of my thoughts...

I am the Perfect Example of Emo Kid, Alcoholic, Stubborn Kid & Kind Soul... I need to try to say No, I need to be a little bit more Firm with my decision, I need to learn how to Cover my own Ass properly. Things ain't going well for me, but I am always clenched my fists & biting my teeth hard to keep it going.

I really miss so many people, so many Haapy times in the past, so many things I'm looking forward to... There's too many things... Many wants me to get into a Relationship to stop myself from thinking too much. But sorry to say all guy suck !! Either they're too nice & nerdy, too handsome & flirty, too ugly & fat, too nice but girly or they are Gay !! So I gave up, I prefer to just stay Single.

Although I missed being attached, being loved... Many people love me in one way or another, but its just too different.
Btw, I'm not Emo-ing... Just Reflecting... =)

Reflecting,
Amanda Chua
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Your Taste Still Lingers...

An unexpected moment, that unexpected day makes me realised I might jus be a fool once again. Knowing all that heat at the moment might jus be unreal.

Life became rather complex, everything jus doesn't seems to be as easy to handle as before. I'm trying hard, trying to make sure everything's gonna be ok for me & all my friends.

Jus a short update...

Ps: You know I'll always Love u no matter what.

Ps: I think I'm missing u.

Sent from my iPhone

Just In Case...

Just incase I have friends that chanced upon my blog and would like to know about my current life...

1st of all:
I'm currently jobless & I'm not sure when I'll be employed again...

2nd:
I'm a total emo kid, way too emo that no one can handle me... =)

3rd:
Confession of an alcoholic... I cannot live a day without liquor, it's worst than not being able to sleep...

4th:
My family and friend's happiness are more important than my life. I'll do whatever I can to make them happy, that will make me a happier person too =)

Anyways, my life rather cock up, it keeps going down down down... happiness comes only for a moment and it will be gone. Just hope all these shit for me and also 1 of my dearest will be gone soon. We need to lead a happier life like what others are leading right now.

Praying hard,
Amanda

Accepting...

Been rather down, emo & not being my usual self for awhile. Last week wasn't a good week for me at all... Falling sick is one thing, receiving news that are not promising for me is another.

I have always though that I'll be able to get out of my darkest moment soon or easily, but it's overall not as easy as I thought. The frequent/massive amount of drinking seems to becoming a habit for me, or rather addiction? Insomnia seems to becoming my best friend now, accompanying me throughout the night without fail.

Sometimes I feel that maybe there's really some problem with me, or do I have to really use the mind over body method?? I'm slowly accepting the fact that I might really become a "Confession of an alcoholic" soon or have already became...

I just have to accept the fact for lotsa things... Like...
- Life isn't fair
- Hardwork doesn't pay off
- Being nice, u get nothing in return
- Being nice, u'll not be appreciated
- Being too friendly, u'll be associates with being too fake
- Being too fun loving, u might be said as "u're trying too hard"
- I'll stand by u always, doesn't mean others will stand by u as well
- Sharing ur secret, doesn't mean after that, it'll still be a secret

I can go on and on without stopping... But I guess enough example for now. I'm seriously not looking forward to Monday... But there's nothing I can do. Good night world & god bless all of you.

Negative,
Amanda

Sent from my iPhone

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I'm Lost & I feel Paranoid

I dont know what is wrong with me these few weeks. I feel really lost with basically a lot of things. I'm usually nt like that, what is wrong? I'm a little panicking...

I feel paranoid with a lot of things, the way people look at me, I start to have doubts, I start to feel people are gossiping & talking bad abt me. I also feel everyones impression of me changes... What the hell is wrong with me?

Lost & Paranoid,
Amanda
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

RIP My Dearest Baby...

Received a saddening news this morning from my Mummy. Our beloved stray dog which we name it "Baby" passed away this morning. I'm lost for words when I heard about it. The worst thing that triggers my emotion is when my Mummy started crying over the phone. I really have the urge to rush down to her office and give her a big hug.

Baby, she first came to our world since 2004 June. Though she's a stray dog, but she's really very adorable, she listens to us, she spent 2 months with us at home before we send her to my Mummy's office. All I can say is that she took care of my Mummy well, she took care of our factory well. She's the Mother of all dogs at the factory where she will give signals on when to bark & when to stop.

She will also bite the fleas off from other doggies, took very good care of her babies. There's this particular Sofa which Baby will sleep on everyday inside my Mummy's office. But now, when my Mummy stared at the Sofa, she's no longer there and she feels sad. Its just not easy for my Mummy to handle... I felt really sad too.

I can't continue to blog abt it any further. I pray tat Baby will be better in heaven, she's been really good. I am quite sure she will be able to find new owners like us. Lastly, I want to thank her, for enduring the pain since last night till this morning. To give & show my parents her last strength of hope. I believed she feels relieve after seeing my parents for the last time before she bid goodbye. Baby RIP and remember, we will always Love u & u'll always be in our hearts.

Love,
Amanda & Family
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Depressed...

I think I need serious help... I'm afraid of having & getting mild depression. Work is killing me inside out, its not abt the workload but something else...
Sometimes I wonder, since world is never fair, what else shld I do?

Its like a senario of 2 very close guy friends fighting for 1 girlfriend. I can't or can never be able to express how I feel. I jus feel that whatever effort put in, had already gone to waste. I dont usually give up easily, my determinations are always strong. But this time round its different. I give up & I'm too tired...

Why shit always happened to me? I don't noe why... All I can say is that... Amanda is dead... And I've became "a confession of an alcoholic" I jus don't wish to start another tempting bad "habit"...

Btw... I'm really too tired... Take care all...
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.