Really Really Not Feeling Happy...

I'm really not feeling Happy... I've not really feel happy for a long time, except maybe for yesterday I have had a great good laugh over dinner, although in my mind still thinking about work.

I dont really know what i wanna blog about, but.... just wanna say SORRY and THANK YOU ALL !!!

Sorry for making all of you angry, as most of you mentioned that all of you care, thats why...

Thank you all for the nagging, constant scolding, constant care and concern, showering of love, showering of time and money for chilling and many many more... never enough of Thanks...

*** I know you care, I know I'm stubborn, but you know I care for you too and you're duper stubborn too, but nevertheless Thanks for everything !! Love You... =) ***

The Useless Me...

Am I Useless ? Yes, I am when it comes to friendship.

I realise I am always the one, experiencing SHIT when it comes to maintaining a friendship. It is always the TIME as a factor. However, I have very close friends, whom I tht we will really be BFF. But... until now, I really have no idea what is wrong. I really want to know what went wrong, but I just can't bring up my courage to ask again. I don't want to be SHUT by unknown answer, and keep poundering. I have to know what went wrong, before I can change or do something to improve on the friendship.

It really affects me, I mean, no one will understand how I feel...

Probably it's just the matter of time that things will turn out well ? Nah, I don't think so...
Probably I should just treat that nothing have happened ? Nah, It's not easy...
Probably I should just wait for the right opportunity to have a talk with them ?
Probably I am just thinking too much ? Nah, I don't think so too... Cause things seems different.

Can I have an answer, Can I know what's going on wrong ? We're close friends before, am sure there will be ways to make things turn out well again. We spend so much time, so much effort, but just within the snap of our fingers, everything just drop to square 1 ? Still remembering the happy times which all of us have spent together ? How we actually put in effort to celebrate each and everyone's birthday ?

Please God... I just need to know the reason, I just need an answer, or rather I pray that I can really get a reply someday. I know that this friendship to me means alot, it's definitely not a Hi-Bye friendship. But if they think I'm only worth the Hi-Bye category, then I'll really give up.

Sincerely Hearts The Old Days,
Amanda Chua

Webs Webs All Over...

Busy with work as usual, how long will it takes for me to really settle down and go home early everyday =(


It's not easy, it's not something i really love doing, but am i determined to endure through ? I just have to see, i cant predict what my answer gonna be. I just need time...

I can hear my Liver screaming in pain, occasionally ? I kinda like Mr Punch Winebar =) Drinking fast & much with empty stomach aint fun... Bad experience but i just dont know what got into me, i just drink like i'm drinking plain water...

Almost every week there will be a couple days of drinking, almost every week partying. Went to the New Club, Social House... Hmmm, aint a very fantastic place, but wearing Bikini & award you with a free entry ? Why not ? Most guys will like that place as most gals wear bikini and dancing away. Hahahha... But with that new group of girls, i'll say it's rather fun, at least i dont feel outcast =P

Had lotsa activities the past few weeks, i almost couldnt remember all. But i'm really really happy for a few reasons:

1. Managed to meet up with Eddie & Gang, also Vicky which i've seen her for years !!


2. Met up with Mainey & Joseph and MELVIN, which gave me a shocked and POP out from somewhere, I'm really really happy & delighted when i saw him =) Thankiew all for making me Smile & Laugh after a long & stressful day at work =P


3. K-boxing with the gals... ahha and my gf can really sing for nuts !! She's really good !! =)


4. Kite flying with our Catering Team, omg i didnt know kite flying can be so fun !! With the correct group of friends and people =)


5. Met up with my poly friends, Nurul, Aisha, Ibnu, Jo, Mel & Iffa !!! Congrates Iffa !!! It's your Engagement day, glad that you felt so happy when u see all of us there.


6. Steamboat with my family today, on National Day... Been a long time... Ever since i'm so involved in work, dont even have time for a proper family dinner =(

There's alot more... I dont think i can finish typing. Or rather it will make my entry duper boring.

Let's plan for somemore outing =) I'm loving it... I love all my colleagues !!!

***You'll are the one that makes me pull through my tough & difficult times. You'll are the one that really make me smile and feels everything is easy. Without You'll I really dont know how my life will be. HEARTS !!!***

Happy Birthday Singapore,
Amanda Chua

In Search For~~~

The Old Amanda Chua... I've had a hard time searching for the old Amanda, the old cheerful Amanda is missing, i cant seems to be able to find her back. Probably i'll be able to find her back 1 day, but when will it be ? The Answer is... I DONT KNOW...

I've heard comments from friends that the Amanda they know is no longer the old Amanda which they knew earlier. Personally i think so too...



I really missed her Cheerful Smile as well... the never stop smiling, always looking cheery, happy go lucky Amanda. Let's pray that we will be able to find her back soon. Prolly it's just the matter of time.

Missing You,
Amanda Chua (New)

Thank You & Sorry...

Thank you for all the encouragement, care and concern. Sorry that i've always been stubborn and being a reckless rider.

I wanna Thank too many people, for showing the ultimate care & concern for me... seriously blessed and touched. Thank you for being so observant, knowing something is not right, & showing a little concern for me.

Thanks for the encouragement and i've gotten a small booklet of encouragement + very belated bday wishes from my fellow colleagues. I really love all of you lots !!! But i still love my lover more la... ahhha...
And all of you for making the additional miles to visit me at the hidden wulu corner, ensuring i'm ok, giving me lotsa "Ai De Gu Li", Huggies, Pat on my shoulder, giving assurance, keep scolding me but is for my own good. Insist on Da-bao-ing food for me when i wanna skip lunch. I'm seriously touched, it makes me tear... really... i've never felt so love by so many people for the longest time. I REALLY REALLY LOVE ALL OF YOU !!! (Although all of you dont know my blog =P)

Thank you my belove family members... never fail to show the ample care, concern, simple text msg and call to make sure i'm ok and coping well.

Ofcourse a few of my outside friends... you know who you are. Thinking back, reflecting about the whole thing, it makes me feel really disheartened... Really really sad, heart breaking. AND I DONT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON !!! AND I'M DEFINITELY NOT THINKING TOO MUCH !!! Can someone freaking gimmi an answer to all my questions ?? I'm feeling really really really down !!!

Suddenly i'm feeling emo tonight again... WHY DOES IT HURT ME SO ???

Sorry for drinking too much... really way too much... i noe it's definitely not good for my health. But i think drinking seems kinda addictive... seriously...

Sorry for riding so recklessly... Met a few close shave kinda incident before, i really hate myself for that... I really needa change...

Sorry for being so Stubborn... i know i should change, but it's really not easy... some people are handling me pretty well =)

Ok... i shall stop... TGIF... but i dont seems to look forward to it...

Emo-ing,
Amanda Chua

Utterly Disappointed...

As mentioned in my title, i'm utterly disappointed with myself. While riding home, realised that the weather was rather cool and kinda suitable for running. Reached home, changed to my running gear and head out for a jog. Never did i realise, i started panting so hard and fast, feeling really tired just after a mere 2km. Not only that, my back and knee starts to hurt pretty badly, feeling giddy and stuff.

Few things came into my mind:
- Not enough sleep ?
- Cause i skip lunch and dinner ?
- Cause i did not run for like 3 months already ?
- Cause my determination and mentally not strong enough ?

I really dont know, but i'm really really very disappointed with myself. But i'll just try to attempt another run soon and see how it goes.

Guess none of my colleague will chance upon my blog, cus i didnt tell them my blog add. Anyways, i've been rather stupid... i've been feeling a little emo these few weeks, especially at night while lying on the bed. Didnt really sleep well for the past weeks and occasionally i actually cried. I mean i dont know why, lotsa things in my mind and whenever i think abt my close colleague who's leaving, my tears just flow without me knowing. Thinking back about the past, how much SHIT we've been thru, really SHIT. And the wonderful oversea trip we went together, with lotsa nice memories.
Was thinking since i cry now, prolly her last day my tear gland will be too dry up and i wont cry. I cant' continue this topic anymore, it makes me wanna cry again. Was tearing when i'm walking back from my short run just now. =(

I'm glad at least my favourite colleague, my duper close lover is still around. Otherwise i dont know how life will be at work. Haiz, expect the unexpected...

Ok it's gonna be a busy week ahead, wont be online at all maybe from Thurs night all the way till Sat night. Prolly will only online on Sun... Ok i needa go shower... I stink from the run =P

I'm So Gonna Miss You Babe,
Amanda Chua

Quick Update...

Pretty exciting week, cause our RCCC transformed into a Mini Carnival Place. But it's really nice to see all those Sec Sch kids putting in effort to design their own booth (based on different countries). Overall glad that things are pretty stable, not much of a OVERWORK timing.

Managed to go back early for this week, except for Monday which everyone left. And yea, a mini party at New Asia Bar after work. Had a couple of drinks with those group of new peeps which i've met up with last week.

I'm feeling pretty happy, maybe because it's a more relaxing week, managed to spend time with a couple of friends. And really appreciate the short lunch with Kw on thurs.

Friday was a rather funny day, was telling myself no lunch, no dinner. But ended up we went Subway again for lunch. Hahah but it's quite alright, healthier choice... Head down to airport at night, funny thing is, i didnt ride my bike, took train with Sophie instead. Ok i needa say i'm kinda "Mountain Tortise", was in the New Mrt Train, and realised there's so much changes, somehow like Tw's Mrt now. Nice long chat, and yes we went all the way to Airport just for Mac =P
Was meeting my friends there, and it's near to Sophie's house, so yea and i'm kinda rushing for time. So it's like 1 stone killing lotsa birds...

Sat was a rather packed day, Morning duty till 1pm, Cine for Kbox with SSS group, Dinner with another SSS group and head down to the most Wulu area i feel till now... Sengkang for BBQ.
The Wii we played was like super funny, we're laughing almost throughout but it's rather fun. And you will never realise how time flies when u're having real fun.

And so here comes Sun, another day which i look forward to. Woke up early for breakfast with friends, now i'm slacking home for awhile cause the afternoon appointment got cancelled last min. So awaiting and preparing for TRANSFORMER tonight !!! Oh my... finally !!! Dont really have the time to watch it except today. Hehehe... i'm gonna see how good is that, lotsa good comment.

Okay... super lenghty blog... all words, words and words... but who cares...

Happy,
Amanda Chua