Unhappy...

I am feeling really really really x 100 not ok !!!

I dont know why, but I'm feeling really really really down... and I seriously HATE myself for feeling that way. Because of me feeling Sad, Unhappy, Moody and Frustration... I sort of wanna risk my own life while riding back home just now...
I was riding really recklessly, I needa apologise to my poor baby, I actually vent my anger on him. I was accelerating very hard and fast (if there's pillon behind me, prolly he/she will fly out of my bike without holding me tight, somehow like JetSki).
And lotsa hard braking and sudden braking. Cutting inbetween cars, tailgating behind cars, horn those cars, high beam those cars... if you wanna hate me, curse and swear at me... i dont really care. I'm feeling really really down... I just have the sudden urge to go to east coast but I decided not to, cus i dont have my Mp3 with me...

Arrrggg.... I'm sure it's not due to my lack of sleep... I really dont know why !!! I HATE MYSELF =( I HATE MYSELF BEING SUCHA DEVIL RIDER !!! And in my mind i'm thinking lotsa stuff, i just keep thinking, i can hardly concentrate on the road... it affects me quite alot... Maybe if i leave the office earlier, I might feel better ? I dont know...

And yes, was riding so dangerously just now, i'm thinking... just thinking... if accident were to happen, I think i deserve it, serve me right... just have this mindset and thinking (Choy, ofcourse i dont wan things to happen...)

I'm crazy... seriously i think i am... i am not thinking right, i am not feeling right, i'm not behaving right either... Oh god... Please help me !!! Arrggggg....

I want to be able to sleep well tonight, Insomnia for quite sometime... no more waking up in the middle of the night for me please....

Ok... i hope after a good nite rest tonight... i'll feel better tmr. Tmr is friday... TGIF everybardy...

Moody + Sad + Unhapppy,
Amanda Chua